A saint was asked – “What is anger?” He gave a beautiful answer, “it is a punishment we give to ourselves for somebody else’s mistake.” – Anonymous.
Love is a beautiful thing. Relationships bring out an incredible beauty in life; when they work out, they add a charming glow to our lives. Relationships have an amazing radiance that they bring to our lives, whether you are a guy or a lady. We were created to be in relationships. We were created to connect. It is not good for us to be alone, according to the Almighty God. As a result, we cannot exist in isolation. We can’t cut people out of our lives. Friends, family, and the gift of a lover are all necessary.
So, you meet someone, and you start something with high hopes and expectations, and then something happens, and that relationship is over. Perhaps the relationship for which we had high hopes and dreams couldn’t last as long as we had hoped. It’s possible that our visions, perspectives, desires, and principles aren’t in sync.
Yes, you put a lot of effort into the relationship to make it work. You’ve been through a lot. Despite what everyone else said about the relationship, you stayed to make it work. You tried because you were so sure it would work, but it seemed like your partner wasn’t quite ready to make it work as much as you were.
This happens all the time! A failed relationship does not have to spell the end of the world for you. In life, unpleasant and undesirable events will occur regardless of your effort, care, and sacrifice.
Many times, our Father allows these things to happen, and it may take us a long time to understand why they happen. So, it is true that any kind of separation hurts, especially when it involves a relationship in which you have invested your entire being. In any case, there is always something better on the horizon. Our glory days are never behind us.
“When you replace “why is this happening to me” with “what is this teaching me?”, everything shifts.” – Anonymous.
So the question becomes, “How do I successfully move on after a heartbreak or a failed relationship?” Maybe you’ve found someone, but you’re afraid to open yourself up to another relationship. Perhaps you haven’t found someone yet, but you’re afraid to try again with love.
So, let us discuss how to handle these situations wisely.
Number One: UNDERSTAND AND ACCEPT IT THAT YOU ARE NOT A PROBLEM.
There is a possibility that you have a problem, especially if you were with someone who was abusive or cheated on you. It is possible to believe that something is wrong with you or that you are totally inadequate. When you’ve been with someone who didn’t respect you or the relationship, you’re bound to feel this way.
“Never wish them pain, that’s not who you are. If they caused you pain, they must have pain inside. Wish them healing, that’s what they need.” – Najwa Zebian.
You must understand that a partner/lover who treats you as if you are a mistake and a complete mess is not doing you any favors; separation from such a person is a good thing. So, don’t let how they treated you affect how you see yourself. They are the issue, not you. So, shake off any negative feelings you have about yourself. Because your Father did not call you a mess, anyone who does is a liar who wants to make you feel and live less than you were created to be. You are the child of the Most High God, and he has given you the name – LIGHT! He also says you are the apple of his eye and that he adores you. He also stated that He would never leave you or forsake you. So, live with the awareness that you are not the problem. You are a blessing in every relationship, but explaining that to a blind person or someone who does not value quality will be difficult. You are not a problem. Remember that how you treat yourself is how you teach others to treat you.
“If their absence brings you peace, you didn’t lose them.” – Anonymous.
Number 2: UNDERSTAND THAT GOD WANTS YOU TO HAVE A GOOD AND HEALTHY RELATIONSHIP. You are God’s child; he is not only your Saviour and Lord, but also your Father. When you begin to live with consciousness, you will notice a shift in how you see yourself and carry yourself. Your Father wishes for you to be happy. Because your love relationships haven’t gone as planned, it doesn’t mean God doesn’t want you to be in one.
Please don’t think it’s your fate that your relationships will never work out. Accept this truth, and God will lead you in the direction of his will for your life. You must embrace a mental shift and begin to see things in a new light. Don’t let what went wrong in your life cause you to develop or accept a skewed perspective and flawed philosophy. Your loving Father desires that you be in a healthy and loving relationship, and he will guide you to one that is beautiful.
“Some people will hurt you and act like you hurt them.” – Anonymous.
Number 3: UNDERSTAND THAT THERE ARE STILL GOOD PEOPLE OUT THERE. There are still good men and amazing women out there; there are still people with the looks and character – there are still people with the fear of God and the right values; just because you haven’t met the right person doesn’t mean there aren’t any good people. Do not join those who make derogatory remarks about the other gender. Do not agree with those who claim that “all men are the same; all women are the same.” It is critical that you understand and accept that not all men are the same; not all men are trash, and not all women are scum.
“Never be a prisoner of your past. It was just a lesson, not a life sentence.” – Anonymous.
Get rid of all forms of toxic thinking and negativity; you simply haven’t met the right person yet, and when that person arrives, you will see that it was worth the wait and the pain.
Number 4: PICK AND USE THE RIGHT LESSONS OF YOUR PAST RELATIONSHIP TO BUILD A NEW.
Many times, the reason our new relationships fail is because we bring unnecessary baggage from the previous one into the new one; our new partner is forced to bear the consequences of our previous partner’s sins. When they can’t take it any longer, the only option will be to walk away. When this happens, we quickly add them to the list of bad people we’ve met. We ruined the relationships unknowingly.
Leave every horrible experience in the past, so you don’t ruin your new relationship, as a result of a toxic view on things.
One day, you will tell your story about how you overcame adversity, and it will serve as a survival guide for someone else. Your emotional pain is not in vain.
Stop expecting every relationship to be the same; people are unique. Stop expecting your new partner to be the same as your previous one. Stop questioning your new partner’s every move. Learn to laugh at yourself, and please stop being so fixated on your ex’s mistakes. Laugh and learn from your mistakes, and always be optimistic and joyful about new relationships.
Remember what God said in Isaiah 43:19? He said He is going to do a new thing for you, but there is a condition: YOU MUST LET GO OF THE FORMER THINGS. So, please, OBEY GOD.
Number 5: DON’T DISPLACE GOD BECAUSE OF LOVE.
Consider this: when you fall madly in love, you usually become more invested and focused on your partner than on your relationship with God. This is unsafe. When we find a loving partner, many of us abandon God and only return to Him when the relationship fails.
“Not all storms come to disrupt your life; some come to clear your path.” – Anonymous.
When you displace God from your life, you are unable to receive direction from him and to discern things correctly. There are things God would have wanted you to do better, and things He would have wanted you to notice in the relationship, your partner, or things about you that need to change, but you stopped receiving from Him because you allowed something else to take up His space in your life.
Please remember this: DON’T LET YOUR PARTNER TAKE THE PLACE OF GOD IN YOUR LIFE – ONLY GOD CAN COMPLETE YOU. This understanding is important so that you don’t start expecting things from your partner that only God can provide, and you don’t start putting unnecessary demands on them, and when they can’t meet those demands, you quickly label them as exes.
Dear friend, this is my counsel on how to move on after failed relationships successfully and how to make the best of a new one wisely.
I hope you learnt a thing or two. Please, leave a comment after reading and let me know what you learnt from this.